THE ZODIAC INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX
Last week’s headline-dominating blow-up between Kyle and Jackie O began, improbably, with astrology.
Kyle accused Jackie on air of being “away with the fairies” and too obsessed with star signs. Jackie reportedly took leave, management stepped in, Kyle was suspended, and now the most lucrative breakfast radio show in the country appears to be hurtling toward a full-blown legal stoush with its network.
Pass the popcorn🍿
But what I’m really interested in is the delightful cultural question: why did astrology of all things become the flashpoint?
Because astrology isn’t fringe anymore. It’s practically social infrastructure.
Millennials and Gen Z have folded it into everyday language. Birth charts get discussed over brunch. Dating profiles include rising signs. TikTok astrologers pull millions of views explaining Mercury retrogrades and Saturn returns like they’re weather reports. People wear their star sign as dainty charms on necklaces and blazoned across oversized tee’s.
You don’t even have to believe in astrology to participate. It’s a just cultural shorthand now - equal parts personality framework and shareable meme.
And yes - before you say it - I’m fully implicated here.
I use “Gemini” as a professional personality trait on the daily. Need someone quick-witted, adaptable and slightly chaotic? Classic Gemini behaviour. Hire (me) accordingly.
I also routinely lose 45 minutes of my life/day/hour to TikTok astrology.
Star sign compatibility breakdowns.
“Roasting the zodiac signs.”
And don’t even get me started on the tarot lady who appears on my For You Page like some kind of mystical HR department for the universe.
Danielle can make or break my entire week with a single card pull.
So, zero judgement here.
But the reason astrology has such a grip on the culture right now runs deeper than entertainment.
Astrology is a way of seeking universal meaning in a secular culture.
For most of human history, religion provided the framework that helped people interpret their lives - why things happen, who we are, where we’re going, what’s going to happen next, will be all be ok?
But as institutional religion has declined across much of the Western world, the human need for narrative hasn’t gone anywhere.
We still want patterns. We still want explanations. We still want to believe the unpredictability of life fits into some kind of storyline, and there’s a higher power or universal plan for it all.
Astrology obliges when God does not.
It tells you your emotional intensity isn’t random - it’s your Scorpio moon.
He’s not ghosting you, babe - he’s just an Aquarius.
Your sudden urge to quit your job is planetary alignment.
Your mid-life crisis? Mercury is in retrograde.
It may not be scientifically rigorous…but neither is religion.
But is astrology culturally useful? Very much so.
Because astrology doesn’t function like strict belief. It functions like mythology - it’s a symbolic language people use to understand themselves and each other.
It’s the internet’s collective coping mechanism.
And in an existence hovering somewhere between algorithmic brain rot, oil shortages, and the constant sense of impending doom that we’re one mere Tweet away from World War III, checking your horoscope before you check the news feels like the healthier choice…doesn't it? ✨
This piece first appeared in Excessive Consumption - a weekly dispatch on culture, branding, politics and whatever other modern internet brain rot the algorithm has emotionally assigned me that week.
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